Anonymous asked: question 13
13 Have you been betrayed in the past? How?
Yes, indeed I have been betrayed on several occasions; some to a lesser extent than others. Only one event truly sticks out in my mind though that seems to suit as an answer to the question.
As some background, I began developing a mild case of depression at the start of August 2011. I won’t go into all the details; I’ll simply say it was the culmination of many stressors (both external and internal) that became overwhelming when I began to face them all at once. By mid-October I was moderately depressed, with a prevailing feeling of being completely worthless and hopelessly chained to the reality I then found myself in at that point. By late November I thought of suicide everyday and spent a lot of my time crying; sometimes for seemingly no reason at all. I reached a point sometime during the last week of November and first week of December when I had a nervous breakdown while at work. I found myself at my wit’s end, because the beast of depression lay within me; an inner demon with a fatal hold on my heart and mind. I burst into tears at least every ten minutes and became so overwhelmed that I began having panic attacks; the sort that would leave me physically numb in my face and extremities (and a condition I had once before in the past and thought I had conquered).
Where does betrayal fit into this? Well, what I found most terrible to handle was that while some people I reached out to gave me some advice, I found that the people I loved that promised to be there for me in times like these, simply weren’t. People like my own mother, “good friends”, and even my girlfriend of 5 1/2 years, just didn’t seem to care that I would literally get on my knees and pray to God for death. Even now as I look back, I myself honestly cannot put into words just how badly I yearned for that final rest; to fall asleep to that liberating world of dreams to escape once and for all. That burning desire I had for the end still haunts me. And yet throughout it all, those that said they would be there for me in times of need like this, shunned me, ridiculed me, and just tried making light of the situation. After all, It’s perfectly normal to be suicidal; isn’t it? And so, this is what I consider my ultimate betrayal. That time when these people who feigned support did nothing aside from leaving me behind twisting in the shadow. Surely I can forgive them, but I can NEVER forget this.